My Brother's Keeper
by Victorian Beauty
Summary: The conversation between Edward and Jasper, after Jasper's "New Moon" attack on Bella, that we know existed but we never get to read. Includes a theory on why, if Jasper is that fragile, is he in a public school.


My Brother's Keeper

Carlisle knew that Jasper would listen to me; I knew it too. With the scent of Bella's sweet blood still in my nose and throat, I went off to find him. If I'd had any doubts that she would be well taken care of where she was, I never would have left her. As it was, the feelings and urges surfacing in me were just too strong and too sickening. I was glad to leave and be away from her right then.

I turned my mind to Jasper. His thoughts were wild and broken. This wasn't surprising. I could see the images. He was picturing it; taking Bella in his arms, his teeth in her throat, her blood on his lips. Pain too, he was suffering. It wasn't just the dry burning in his throat from the thirst, but the shame and self-hate that followed what he'd done.

The more vindictive part of me told myself that he deserved what he was feeling. The images I was taking from his mind made me want to cause him some considerable agony myself. Still, seeing that he'd done what only love had kept me from doing, I found it hard to muster up much hate. If anything, I deserved his anguish as much has he did.

He was hunting now. I could smell deer blood. Need had driven him faster than usual, and Jasper usually didn't settle for deer. Satiated, his thoughts eased, but his pain didn't. I found the deer carcass on the ground at the base of a tree. I didn't see Jasper right away, but a glint of sunlight on our kind's skin, a well tailored pant leg, and an expensive shoe gave away his hiding place. I looked up the trunk of the tree.

"You're not angry, why? You should be. I could have…"

"Nobody is angry, Jasper. You frightened us into near madness, but nobody is angry."

"Don't bring her to the house anymore, or tell me before hand if you do so I can leave. She scares me, Edward. I'm so afraid that one day… that one day no one will stop me. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt YOU. I know what you feel about her."

"I know you don't want to, that's why I'm not mad. Did Emmett hurt you when he pulled you off?"

"What? No." He hadn't even thought about that. The question confused him.

"Good, I'm glad." I paused and added. "We all are."

"Emmett and Rosalie think the whole thing's funny."

"I know they do. I'll remind you to make both of them nervous and paranoid for absolutely no reason during an English Lit exam later."

There was a smile in his thoughts, and he alighted from the tree, touching down on the ground in front of me. "You're not any different from the rest of us. We all feel the way you feel. Torturing yourself over it just give it that much more power over you."

His eyes narrowed, and I knew I'd said the wrong thing. "No, the rest of you don't feel the way I feel. I know what you all feel and it isn't the same."

"All right, I'm sorry. But we're all unsatisfied…"

"You're not used to being satisfied."

"That's not fair. You know that I…"

"It isn't the same. I'm sorry. I just… I really don't like being around her, especially when you're… Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, over many a…"

"Jasper, stop that. What?"

"Nothing, I… listen it's not your fault. Don't worry about it."

"We've never kept things from each other. If there's something else…"

"'Twas brillig and the slithy toves…"

"Stop it." I felt my brows knit as I turned the ideas around in my head for a moment. "It… It isn't just Bella, is it?" It wasn't a question, but a statement.

Jasper shook his head slowly.

"I didn't want you to know. How do you do it, Edward? How do you stand so close to her feeling…"

"It wasn't the blood." I rounded on him and he winced. "I knew it was strange. If you lost your control like that every time someone started to bleed a little, you'd have taken out half the student body by now. It didn't make any sense."

"Stop, please."

"It wasn't the smell of her blood at all, was it? It was…"

"She's your singer, Edward. And I felt…"

"What I felt." I finished for him.

"I'm sorry. I'm not like you, Edward. I don't know how you can feel what you feel and not…" His thoughts broke apart again, and he wrapped his arms around himself, as though he were cold. "I didn't want you to know."

"It really is my fault. I should have known better. I never should have tried to bring her here."

"You love her. I can feel that too. You love her so much."

"But one of them was stronger right then; the one that made you…"

"That's my fault, not yours. I'm the one who lost it, not you. Remember?"

My head swam and everything looked red for a moment. Jasper's thoughts were like a line pulling me back. "Edward, don't do this."

"Jazz! You okay? Edward, there you are. Carlisle says that Bella's fine. Just a few stitches…"

"I'm here. It's all right." He spoke aloud for the first time since I found him. Slowly he wrapped his arms around Alice and held her tight against his chest. She stayed there for a moment, resting against him.

When she lifted her head and looked towards me, looking sad. "You've decided, haven't you?"

I nodded. "We can't stay."

"Oh! But Jasper can…" I saw him wince over her head.

"It's not Jasper." I told her. "It's me. I can't be around her anymore. I love her but… it's too hard, and she isn't safe."

"Edward, are you sure? I can do better. I mean, I'm sure we can…"

"I already said it wasn't you. You only did what I wanted to do. That's not your fault."

"You love her." Alice's voice was pleading.

"And that's exactly why I can't be here. Loving her… wanting to…" I swallowed hard. "I never had any right to bring her here to begin with."


End file.
